Commandment #5 - Honor Mom & Dad

The following is a manuscript of Sunday's sermon:

As we stand on the day after the 233rd celebration of our nation’s declaration of independence from Great Britain and though times have changed in so many ways, we are confronted this morning by the timeless and unchanging truth from God’s Word as God speaks clearly and without stutter or stammer to one of the very bedrock institutions of our country—the family.

In the 5th commandment, God begins to speak in no uncertain terms that the place that “loving our neighbor” begins is in the home—that is the family unit that God has ordained.

There is so much depth in these commandments—much more than we will cover in our time together spent on them.

It is true that to “honor” our parents covers all seasons of our lives—children, youth, young adult, and adult—but, we will focus our attention primarily on children, youth, and young adult during our time this morning.

One of the changes we have seen even in my generation is the disintegration of respect for authority, not just in the home but in society at large.

And, lest we adults think ourselves above this charge, we must ask ourselves, where did our children and young people learn this disrespect—oh, yes, in many ways from us.

We, as adults, do not want to submit to the authority that God has placed over us whether it is the government (which is ordained by God) or our bosses/employers or submitting to the authority of church leadership or even something simple as not taking outside drinks into the movie theatre—because our children and young people reason, “If mom and dad don’t have to submit to authority, why do I?”

Are there times at which even those in positions of authority abuse it—absolutely, and at that point we have a responsibility to a higher authority, namely God himself that we must obey, but only in a manner that is worthy of the gospel and mandate to proclaim that gospel to all creatures.

AW Pink writes—“Unquestionably, the blame for most of this lies upon the parents, who have so neglected the moral and spiritual training of their children that (in themselves) they are worthy of neither respect or honor.”

Parents, we cannot and must not seek to sweep under the rug our mistakes in raising a generation of young people that have little respect or honor for authority—who think themselves autonomous and free from any rules and authority except that of their own making.

We must confess and repent and re-align ourselves under the authority of Jesus Christ and His Word in order that we might re-align our families, particularly our children.

I read a quote this week from Annie Gottlieb, a cultural observer, who identified the 60s as “the generation that destroyed the American family” that says this—

“We might not have been able to tear down the state (gov’t), but the family was closer. We could get our hands on it. And…we believed that the family was the foundation of the state, as well as the collective state of mind…We truly believed that the family had to be torn apart to free love, which alone could heal the damage done when the atom was split to release energy. And the first step was to tear ourselves free from our parents.”

These rebellious circumstances of our society and our families ought not to surprise us in the least since the Apostle Paul said that they would come and indeed are now here

In 2 Timothy 3, Paul writes--But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.

It is into this cultural atmosphere that the timeless and unchanging truth and wisdom of the 5th commandment calls for our attention this morning.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.”

The NT echoes these words in at least two places.

Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."

Colossians 3:20 - Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Exodus speaks of honoring, but the issue of “obedience” is certainly included in honoring.

The word “honor” literally means “weighty” or “heavy”.

Oftentimes in scripture, it is used to call attention to the “glory of God” in describing His divine majesty, so when God spoke this word to Moses and the Israelites about honoring their parents, he know what he was writing and saying and how serious this command was.

Phillip Ryken summarizes the meaning of this commandment by saying: “To honor one’s parents, therefore, is to give due weight to their position. It is to give them the recognition they deserve for their God-given authority. To honor is to respect, esteem, value, and prize fathers and mothers as gifts from God.”

The authority that parents are given over their children is derived from God himself because He is the creator of the family—therefore, to dishonor one’s parents is to dishonor God.

In an extended application, to dishonor any legitimate authority that God has placed over us is to dishonor God.

An early Christian teaching tool called the Heidelberg Catechism explains this commandment this way: “That I show honor, love, and faithfulness to my father and mother and to all who are set in authority over me; that I submit myself with respectful obedience to all their careful instruction and discipline; and that I also bear patiently their failure, since it is God’s will to govern us by their hand.”

Do parents make mistakes, yes, certainly we do—and in those mistakes children are to nonetheless honor their parents through forgiveness “even as God in Christ Jesus has forgiven you” and continued “respectful obedience.”

Michael Horton writes in his book, The Law of Perfect Freedom, that the “rejection of legitimate parental authority is a sign of a weakness in character, not strength.”

For all those times when your friends ask, “do you always do what your parents say?”—maybe not in those exact words, but they ask and insinuate—to give in to them and go against what your parents have taught you rightly means that your character is weak, not strong.

This is one of the biggest problems with some of the “good” movies and TV shows that come out today for teenagers and children—the star blatantly disregards the parent’s instruction, even to the point of deceiving and flat out lying to their parents while pursuing their own agenda as their own boss free from authority—then, there are no consequences to their disobedience and disrespect—they are applauded and championed for their autonomous living and allowed to “fulfill their dream.”

And, in light of that reality, it is foolish and spiritually naïve and damaging for us to think that what they watch and listen to —TV and music— does not affect their heart—their thinking and feeling and reasoning—

There is more truth in that Hulu commercial about the TV industry being aliens turning our brains to mush than they realize—maybe not from aliens, but used as a tool of Satan to turn our hearts and our children’s hearts away from Jesus—particularly in the realm of authority

All of these are contributing factors to the disrespect and dishonor for the legitimate God-given authority in the lives of young people.

However, the tendency toward this rebellion is embedded in sinful hearts—it is ultimately the sin of idolatry—the idol of self—it began in the garden of Eden with the desire to be out from under the authority of God—“you will be like God” the serpent told Eve.

Therefore, the only true and lasting answer to rebellion and dishonor and disrespect is Jesus—the cross—the gospel—living under the Lordship of Jesus—the good news that Jesus died for that sin and that he can transform the sinful heart to a heart that desires to respect and honor mom and dad even when we don’t feel like it—the Holy Spirit will enable you to go against the grain of the culture and restore the honor that mom and dad deserve—

We can take away all the music and TV, but if we do not replace it with the gospel—proclaimed and lived—the change in our young people and children will be only short-lived with no lasting fruit.

Jesus not only died for your sins in this area young people, he modeled for you how to respect and honor your parents—Luke 2:51-52—“Then he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them…and Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.”

Later on in Jesus’ life he honored his mother’s request at the wedding in Cana in John 2—

Then, at the cross, Jesus made provision for his mother to be taken care of after he was gone by calling upon his close friend John.

In so doing, Jesus fulfilled the aspects of the commandment on our behalf—this was part of his fulfillment of the law—he accomplished the righteous requirement of the law by perfect obedience to the law for us.

Because he obeyed the law perfectly, including this particular point, he is able through the Holy Spirit to help us in obeying this commandment as well.

Now, along with the command to honor your mother and father, there is a promise—“that your days may be long in the land”

For the immediate context of the Israelites, this is a reference to the nation of Israel occupying the land that God was giving them.

There is a connection between the passing down of the spiritual heritage and authority of God to the next generation as security for staying in the land.

It was essential to pass on to the next generation the covenantal relationship with God through obedience to the commandments in order to remain in the land of promise.

There is more to honor than just respect of parental authority—it is honoring the spiritual heritage of obedience to God and the covenantal relationship.

In fact, one of the reasons given in Ezekiel for the exile of the people was that they had “made light of father and mother”—a disregard for the honor that mother and father deserved—not just them personally, but for the covenantal relationship to God that was disregarded as well.

For NT Christians, the land in the OT represents the blessing of God, which does not necessarily mean “bad things” won’t happen—even the Israelites had to go to war against the enemies in the land.

It also does not necessarily mean that you will live a long time—nor if you dishonor your parents, it does not necessarily mean that you will die young.

What it means for us on this side of the NT is this: to honor your parents, to remain under the legitimate authority that God has placed over you brings you in line to receive God’s blessing in your life—to remain in the center of his will—

Paul said it this way—“that it may go well with you” in Epesians…

When we move out from under the legitimate authority that God places over us, we remove ourselves from the blessing of God and God must discipline us to bring us back in line—sometimes that is through our parents—other times through others in the church—most often through the conviction of the Holy Spirit through our conscience.

Young people, when you remove yourself our from under the legitimate authority of your parents, you move out from under the blessing of God in your life.

The consequences for disobeying this command demonstrate the serious nature of this commandment.

Exodus 21:15 – “And he who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death”

Leviticus 20:9 – “For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him.”

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 – "If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Deuteronomy 27:16 – “Cursed is the on the one who treats his father or mother with contempt”

We live in the age of grace, but these verses are intended to jolt you just a bit this morning so that you do not presume on God’s grace or take the forgiveness of sins lightly because the Bible teaches that “the fear of the Lord is beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction”

Therefore, if you reject the fear of God that is taught by these words, you are a fool—according to scripture.

The fear of God ought to send you running to Jesus for forgiveness if you have been dishonoring to your parents or have cursed them under your breath or on your myspace or through a text message.

Only at the cross, the place of forgiveness for sinners, will you find the sweet, refreshing grace of Jesus who desires to forgive you and restore you and enable you to honor and respect your parents from this day forward.

Let’s ask a few questions in self-examination…

Do you ever talk back to your parents?

Do you hide anything from your parents? Deception, lies? Other myspace pages?

Do you ever curse them silently? I hate you?

Do you speak well of your parents?

Do you seek to strengthen your relationship with them?

Do you handle conflict with them biblically?

My guess is that many young people today are like the little boy who refused to sit down in class one day.

After a little while of cajoling, the little boy finally sat down with this comment—“I may sitting down on the outside, but I’m standing up on the inside.”

Many of you may be externally obeying your parents, but in your heart and behind their backs you are deceitful and full of lies—you may even be like the Pharisees who honor them with your lips, but your heart is far from them…

Jesus is as concerned about the heart motivation as he is the external action.

Someone, may even have an objection…

But, what if my parents are neither worthy of respect or honor—a legitimate question…

It is still your primary responsibility to honor God through honoring your parents…if your parents ask you to sin against God, you respectfully disobey that request—you continue to treat them with dignity and the respect they deserve because of their position as your parents.

God desires to use your submissive spirit and attitude, as he desires of the believing spouse with an unbelieving husband in 1 Peter, to bring your parents to the gospel, to saving faith in Jesus as they see the gospel demonstrated and displayed in your life.

This most often occurs in young adulthood, maybe sometimes as a teenager—some friends I went to seminary with were planning to go overseas as missionaries—their parents fought them tooth and nail concerning this.

My friends wanted to honor their parents, but they knew they had been called by God to be missionaries overseas—they went anyway in obedience to the call of God.

This particular instance is at least one application of Jesus’ words in Luke 14— Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”

Jesus does not sugarcoat anything in these verses and we must not try to water them down because they seem so harsh—just let them speak.

There is a bond that is thicker than blood, and that bond is following Jesus—now, to some that will go against the grain, but it is true.

Having said that, there is not a hard fast rule as to when these verses begin to apply to a young adult, or even a teenager, possibly…serious times of prayer and great wisdom and counsel must be received to discern the proper response in these situations—this is not something that is taken lightly--

In this particular objection, there is the application for us as parents today…are we living in such a way that honors the authority God has placed over us in our lives so that our children will see our submission to authority modeled rightly before them?

Are we living as moms and dads who are worthy of respect and honor from our children…do they see us as thinking we are always perfect and never do anything wrong…do they see us rebelling against legitimate authority…or are we models of submission for them to observe?

My prayer is that today, families will begin to have discussions about areas of improvement and realignment under the authority of God’s Word—as husbands, as wives, as moms & dads, and as children and teenagers and young adults.

My prayer is that we will begin to ask questions and seek the answers biblically for the structure of our homes.

My prayer is that there will be a revival of respect and honor for parents and those in authority by young people beginning here at JSBC.

It will only begin with confession and repentance of where we have fallen short of God’s directives and renewing ourselves, all of us, under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and His Word.

We have only touched the tip of the iceberg in this one aspect of this commandment today—my prayer is that this will generate questions for all of us and that we will search for the answers that come from God’s Word.

What is God saying to you today?

If you are not a Christian here today, you are in rebellion against God—living as your own boss and your own rule-maker—you must repent of your sin and turn to Jesus for forgiveness and reconciliation to God.

If you are a Christian today, particularly a teenager or child—are you living under the legitimate authority that God has placed over you…if not, you are committing sin and removing yourself from the blessing of God…confess, repent, to God and your parents…

Young people…are you hiding things from your parents…are you deceptive…how many myspace accounts do you really have—that’s just one example…

May God grant us grace this day to live under the authority he has placed over us…