Commandment #7 - Do not Commit Adultery

Here is a manuscript of today's sermon on the seventh commandment:

God’s Esteem of the Marriage Relationship
Exodus 20:14

The fifth commandment, honor your father and mother, established the importance of the parent/child relationship in all its dimensions.

Today’s commandment, you shall not commit adultery, establishes the priority, importance, and significance of the marriage relationship between husband and wife.

It brings to the forefront of our discussion the importance of faithfulness in all its dimensions within that relationship—emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally.

God instituted the marriage relationship in the beginning at creation.

In Genesis 2:18, the bible says, “And the Lord God said, “it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Then, in vv. 21-25, the bible goes on to say, “So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

In these verses, God declares the uniqueness, the exclusive nature, the priority, the permanence, and the intimacy, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually, of the marriage relationship that has been designed by God Himself.

Though we do not have time to delve into all of these implications, suffice it to say that there is no other human relationship given such attention than this one.

Wives and moms, your relationship with your husband is more important, in terms of priority, than with your parents or your children.

Husbands and dads, your relationship with your wife is more important, in terms of priority, than with your parents or your children.

Arthur W. Pink says it this way: “The marriage-relationship is paramount over every other human obligation. A man is more responsible to love and care for his wife than he is to remain in the home of his childhood and take care of this father and mother. It is the highest and most sacred of human relations.”

We are certainly to honor our parents in all our lives as we learned last week, yet there are times when the priority of our spouse must be first—and that is the biblical instruction to all of us, particularly from the phrase in Genesis 2 that says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

The ultimate purpose of the marriage relationship is to extol and put on display the glory and majesty of God.

It displays the majesty and glory of God as a picture of Jesus and His bride, the church.

Ephesians 5, in the context of Paul’s instruction to husbands and wives, says, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

Because of this reality, the scripture often refers to idolatry as an act of spiritual adultery when God’s people break their covenantal relationship with Him by worshiping and putting their trust and giving their allegiance to false gods.

This is particularly true in the OT when the Israelites went after other gods who were really no gods at all—it was, and still is, an act of spiritual adultery.

Though the glory of God and the exclusive nature of Jesus’ relationship with the church is the ultimate purpose of the marriage relationship, there are secondary purposes that flow from this ultimate purpose.

In the marriage relationship, God also provides…
• for companionship, that we are made/created to live in relationship…
• for the means for procreation…
• for the means for God-honoring sexual expression…
• for the stability of society through the family…and
• the primary means for bringing up succeeding generations to worship Him…

As all of these secondary purposes are pursued in the manner prescribed in scripture, they will point to the glory and majesty of God as the ultimate purpose for the covenantal relationship.

All of this points to the sacredness and significance of the marriage relationship by God’s design.

In God’s economy of human relationships, the marriage relationship is the foundational relationship of human society, and therefore, He gives his declaration of the importance and significance in the negative form in the seventh commandment.

You shall not commit adultery…

At the outset, let’s define what adultery is…

Specifically, adultery is when a sexual relationship ensues between a man and a woman who are not married to each other.

Adultery also occurs when a single person engages in a sexual relationship with someone who is married to another.

The scripture usually uses the word “fornication” to refer to all different kinds of of sexual immorality; it is a more general term that would certainly include the specific act of adultery.

However, this command, as the other commands, gives a general parameter—and, in this case, the general parameter is for the God-honoring manner in which to express oneself sexually.

Therefore, though we might call these ‘technical’ definitions of adultery, the violation of this commandment is not limited to the violation of one of these ‘technical’ definitions.

So, one must not come to the conclusion that if he/she has not violated one of the definitions, then he/she has not violated the commandment.

The principle and the design of the commandment as protection and honor and esteem for the marriage relationship go beyond the acts of physical sexual misconduct & immorality that married people could engage in to include any thing that would compromise the sexual purity that God desires—whether single or married.

Therefore, we can conclude that someone who lives a promiscuous life violates this command because they have respected and esteemed the context for which God has provided to express themselves sexually—the marriage relationship.

This is made even clearer when we bring Jesus’ words from the Sermon on the Mount to bear in the discussion.

In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But, I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

At this particular time in history, the Pharisees had hi-jacked the law of Moses, added their own traditions to it, and perverted the original intent of the law.

Jesus, with his words of clarification or elaboration, does at least two things.

Number one, Jesus exposes the root heart issue that is manifested in the act of adultery—it is the lust of one’s heart for sexual pleasure.

In Mark 7:20-23, Jesus says, “What comes out of a man that defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornication, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man.”

Lust occurs when the desire for something or someone, in this case, goes beyond the prescribed boundaries that God has set up within which that desire may be met.

And, although sexual expression is a gift from God and the desire for sexual expression is from God given in the creation of mankind—both men and women—God has prescribed the right context for it to be expressed for our good and His glory.

And, that context is the marriage relationship.

Therefore, lust in this context is the desire for sexual intimacy, and I would argue also emotional intimacy, that is outside the bonds of the marriage relationship.

The second thing that Jesus words do from the Sermon on the Mount is to emphasize the importance of the content and disposition of one’s heart—

The Pharisees were very good at being “externally” moral—from the outside, they looked holy, but Jesus said at one point that they were like whitewashed tombs full of dead men’s bones.

They prided themselves on keeping the outside of the cup clean while the inside was very dirty.

In the case of adultery, they had not committed the actual physical act, but in their heart they were corrupt.

They might even have responded as someone a few years ago, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

I know, I couldn’t resist…some will get that on the way home…

Jesus is saying that though one might not commit the physical act, he/she is just as guilty if the desire to express oneself sexually with someone outside the marriage relationship occurs mentally within the heart and mind.

That is why Proverbs says in 4:23 – “Keep (guard) your heart with all diligence…”

Prompted by that verse, Steve Green wrote a song entitled “Guard your Heart”…

What appears to be a harmless glance
Can turn to romance
And homes are divided
Feelings that should never have been
Awaken within
Tearing the heart in two
Listen, I beg of you!

Chorus:
Guard your heart, Guard your heart
Don't trade it for treasure
Don't give it away
Guard your heart, Guard your heart
As a payment for pleasure
It's a high price to pay
For a soul that remains sincere
With a conscience clear
Guard your heart

The human heart is easily swayed
And often betrayed
At the hands of emotion
We dare not leave the outcome to chance
We must choose in advance
Or live with the agony
Such needless tragedy

It only takes a moment for the temptation to lust to spring up in someone’s heart, therefore, we must be very diligent to guard our hearts.

It is no wonder that in Satan’s deception of Eve, her heart was drawn away when “she saw that it was good for food (a legitimate desire, but this particular fruit was out of bounds), and it was pleasant to the eyes…”

Many times the avenue to the heart is the eyes—particularly for men—

Today, this reality is becoming more prevalent with women as well.

The commercials on television are full of examples on both sides of the aisle—the T-mobile commercials with Catherine Zeta Jones asking the dorky looking guy to upgrade his plan as well the Diet Coke commercials with the construction workers outside the office building while the ladies watch.

Are men responsible for guarding their own hearts and minds—yes, but ladies please help your brothers in Christ out by dressing modestly in clothing that does not reveal or accentuate parts of your body in an unnecessary way.

Older ladies and mothers, please teach your daughters and young ladies that God desires and honors modesty in dress and that the way one dresses is a reflection of one’s heart.

I heard about a young adult woman in her twenties tell a teenager girl that as she got older, she could show a little more cleavage in her dress…God help us…I don’t want that young adult lady teaching anybody anything, especially my daughter.

Men, we must take the necessary steps to guard our hearts by being very careful what we watch on TV—the sexually explicit commercials are rampant, the TV programs that exploit what God has deemed sacred are everywhere…we must spend much time in prayer and in the word of God to keep our hearts in tune with Jesus’ desires…and less time watching things that we know are poison darts to our hearts that have the potential to push us closer to the edge…

We must guard ourselves from having “wandering eyes”—because all it takes is that second glance…

The temptation to commit adultery occurs at three levels—physical, mental, and emotional—

For men, because of the way God has wired us, the temptation occurs primarily on the physical and mental level.

This is why you never go to lunch with a woman who is not your wife, your mom, or your sister.

This is why you should never go on business trips with female colleagues by yourself—you probably shouldn’t go at all.

There may be times where this is unavoidable, but you must have a plan in order to guard against the temptation when the times come of which you have no control.

For women, because of the way God has wired you, the temptation may occur on the emotional level—this is the one we do not talk about as often, but it is still adultery.

This is where the wife has a few problems at home and she begins to confide in another male friend who listens to her and there arises an emotional attachment—“I wish he were my husband” or “I wish my husband were like that”—guys, we are prone to this as well if we confide in a female friend…

This is the very reason why there is a danger in all these romance novels and movies—our hearts are so wicked and deceitful according to Jeremiah, that we can even deceive ourselves—and become emotionally attached to some fantasy guy or girl who doesn’t exist instead of seeking to love the one God has given us in His providence and seek to be the one God desires for us to be for our mate.

Are these novels or movies necessarily wrong—no, but there is a danger in them if we are not careful to guard our hearts.

The two most well-known biblical examples are probably Joseph and David.

Joseph was taken to Egypt as a slave in Potiphar’s house

There, Mrs. Potiphar sought after Joseph and tried to seduce him “daily”—Joseph, by the grace of God, was able to withstand the temptation and finally had to do what the apostle Paul says do in the face of any sexual temptation—“flee”—Joseph ran away.

And, that in itself is interesting in the NT…we are called to stand against the temptations of Satan, but only in the realm of sexual temptation are we told to run away—it certainly reveals that God knows our hearts better than we do.

But, Joseph, by God’s grace, is a model for us of someone who guarded his heart.

Then, there is David…the apple of God’s eye…the one who slew the physical giant Goliath…and yet fell prey to lust of his own heart with Bathsheba…

Both of these men are examples of God’s grace at work—Joseph was able to withstand Mrs. Potiphar’s onslaught, but then was thrown into prison for something he did not do…

But God through his providence used that to save multitudes of people in the famine

In David’s case, God’s grace gave him forgiveness—were there consequences to his actions—absolutely, the sword would never leave his house—

Yet, God, in his mercy and grace, raised up the wisest man who ever lived out of that adulterous relationship…that was Solomon…

And to further accentuate God’s grace, it is from the line of David that the Messiah, Jesus came.

If anyone this morning has fallen prey to adultery—mentally, physically, or emotionally—the place to go is to the cross of Jesus through confession and repentance for His forgiveness.

Then, if necessary, you need to repent to your spouse and seek reconciliation and healing.

This will only happen if the gospel is front & center in the relationship.

This message is a call to all married people especially to begin to guard our hearts and put boundaries in place to guard against the temptation to commit adultery.

It is a call to cultivate in your marriage relationship the intimacy that is necessary between husband and wife as a safeguard against adultery—this is emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy.

It is a call to find people to hold us accountable in our dealings with the opposite gender—guys, we need some guys we can talk to and be held accountable.

Ladies, you need some other ladies that will exhort you and be willing to let you know if they think you are too emotionally attached to someone or becoming too friendly.

This message is a call to all singles, particularly young people, to guard your hearts and your bodies as God’s temple so that you can honor the marriage relationship now by abstaining from sexual immorality so that you do not take emotional, psychological, and/or physical scars or baggage into your marriage when God so desires to give you a mate.

Maybe you are here, and you know a marriage that is dealing with this very issue right now and you need to pray for them to go to the cross of Jesus for healing and reconciliation.

This morning, we have touched on a variety of implications from this commandment this morning, and I pray that we will honor the sanctity of the marriage relationship in every way.

I want to leave us with the words to a song by Casting Crowns entitled “Slow Fade”

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day